METEOR THREATENS EARTH!

From the Los Angeles Times:

NASA Scientists today reported discovery of a meteor in the inner solar system with an orbital path around the sun that is 97% likely to intercept Earth's orbit within the next 10 days. The Meteor, called Calvin1007, was discovered by Astronomer Sarah Calvin of the Mount Palomar National Observatory two weeks ago. Computer analyses have now confirmed the high probability of an intercept with Earth.

Calvin1007 is a football-shaped mass of iron, spinning through space at approximately 4 million miles an hour, and is approximately three miles across at its largest point. This is a relatively small size in cosmic terms (although its effects will likely be devastating), which accounts for the fact that it remained undetected until it came so close to the Earth.

In the likely event that it strikes Earth, NASA reports that it will strike with the devastation of approximately 500 Hiroshima bombs. Not, perhaps, enough to strip Earth's atmosphere and trigger the destruction of the entire biosphere, but certainly enough to level a region of hundreds to thousands of miles in diameter. If it strikes a heavily populated area (New York, Hong Kong, etc.) casualties would be counted in the hundreds of millions. Should it strike an ocean, it is feared that monsoons and boiling rains would cause climatic devastation over a significant area. Should it strike land anywhere, it will likewise cause debris to be lifted into the atmosphere, resulting in short-term black and brown rains over large portions of the globe.

U.S. President Santos will make an emergency declaration to the public this evening, and has called upon NASA to come up with a plan to head off the meteor. However, NASA Director Simon Alderson reported that although his scientists are working round the clock, no solution has yet been reached. An emergency conference of world leaders and leading space scientists will be convened tomorrow in the Hague, at which the mental power of hundreds of the world's scientists will be put towards finding a solution.

National PTA Director Martin Salaris also made a special announcement this afternoon, indicating that the President has signed an executive order granting preemptive amnesty to all supers who have the ability to effect the situation, and offering blanket immunity against liability or prosecution for efforts at preventing this global disaster.