ARMY OF CLONES ATTACKS NUCLEAR WASTE FACILITY

From the Lavina, Montana Gazette:

The Ogden National Nuclear Waste Storage Facility, 24 miles outside Lavina, Montana, was attacked yesterday in a bizarre and frightening scenario. Facility director Marion Rutager reported yesterday that an army of clones, robots, or otherwise identical humans walked slowly to the perimeter fence yesterday at about 4 p.m., climbed over each other's bodies into the grounds, swarmed guards, and siezed the facility, chasing staff and management employees from the scene. The "clones" went into the offices and storage bunkers, and held the facility for approximately 5 hours, during which time Northwest Regional PTA forces established a perimeter and began the process of infiltration. PTA forces stormed the facility at about 9:30 p.m., only to find the grounds empty, and no clones in sight. Facility staff are working with the PTA to determine whether any nuclear waste material was taken, whether computer systems were compromised, or if storage safeguards were compromised.

The "clone" attackers were described as male, approximately 5 feet 10 inches tall, slender in build, and wearing dark green outfits that appeared to be metallic. They wore goggles of some type. They appeared to walk in unison, and to communicate without words. PTA director Helen Cutter noted that this was a new one on her, and promised a prompt investigation into the causes and motives of the crime.